I do not know whether you are familiar with those days when you feel that there is not enough time for anything. Unfortunately, I have increasingly become aware of how busy my schedule is. Although I have been able hitherto to relax for a couple of hours a day, this has reached a demise, since lately I have dealt with more and more activities which made it impossible for me to take a break. Unfortunately, I have observed that this leads to nothing more than cursory actions, involving little attention and sedulousness, being rather hectic than well organized. Nonetheless, whilst I endeavor to accomplish all my assignments and to meet the deadlines imposed, I realize that sometimes it is of utmost importance to take a hiatus. I acknowledge the fact that one might be under the delusion that taking breaks, resembling in his or her opinion to prevaricating, is pernicious. Undoubtedly, I have to refute this opinion, due to the fact that my own observations rebuke all the possible proofs which could bolster the argument mentioned beforehand. Regardless of the fact that it is of paramount importance to be assiduous, indefatigable,persistent in our trials, this does not wipe out the concept of relaxing. Notwithstanding my last phrases, it is peculiar that I dare to talk about matters which are no longer characterizing me. For instance, the last four days have been burdensome to me; I have studied, traveled, partied and so on exceedingly, with no regard to the significant concept of relaxing. However, I am looking forward to relaxing for a while, even though I am conscious of the fact that tomorrow will be another infernal day. Now I have to get back to Nicolo Machiavelli and his well-known work ” Il principe”.
It has been a while since I wrote something here, be it significant or trifling. Nevertheless, I am not willing to write meaningless stuff forever. Perhaps this is why I chose not to write for a couple of days. I assume now that I have more inspiration than before, that I have become accustomed to the pernicious days of not being able to express your own thoughts. Therefore, I should be, at least theoretically, more concise and less frantic or superfluous. Unfortunately, this very post is an indictment of my procrastination, for undoubtedly this is what I am doing once again. Regardless of the fact that I mentioned subsequently a new approach to writing, I must deal with my obstinacy, for indeed I vacillate considerably before I change anything. Some may call this a drawback, but I think that sometimes it is an useful thing, since some decision cannot be made hastily. On the other hand, this should not be considered a eulogy for tardiness. No sooner had I started writing than I became aware of the fact that my peroration might be misunderstood easily. Had I not referred to an attempt to enhance my writing style, this could not have happened. As you can see, I regard myself as guilty and I acknowledge the fact that I should do what I intend to. Unfortunately, as mentioned beforehand, I waver between distinct approaches a lot before I can decide. I am still confident that one day I will be able to write something substantial, without these setbacks that I have to encounter for the moment. Until then, I can do nothing else than trying to create something at least interesting, if not profound.
We are increasingly expressing a countenance of lassitude, whilst we claim that everything is good. We are used to pretend that we are characterized by steadfastness and sedulousness, when most of the times we choose prevarication and display a lackadaisical attitude. Therefore, how could we ever claim that we are the most evolved beings? Seriously, no other species has destroyed continuously its habitat, has harmed itself so much and has done so many nefarious things. Nevertheless, we still lack the courage to accept the fact that we should not regard ourselves as a an evolved species. Instead, we are the most unevolved, if we take into consideration the detrimental effects of our actions. One particular idiosyncracy pertaining to the human nature is that, regardless of the intent of our deeds, the consequences are most of the times deleterious and hardly can we achieve something even if we worked incessantly in order to prove that our efforts had not been in vain. Nevertheless, this is another thing which we cannot understand, since our comprehension of unsatisfactory matters is so limited. I do not want to be misunderstood, the purpose of this post is by no means that to mock the human race. I cannot be so arrogant as to pretend that I am not one of these beings which show a dearth of significant qualities. Seldom have I been so aware of the fact that we, as a species, are far from being perfect. Unfortunately, we are still descending on the evolutionary scale, lacking the means which could assure our supremacy. The environment is more affected than ever, the diseases are spreading although the medicine has evolved so much hitherto. What is peculiar is that we could preclude the nefarious consequences of our actions from occurring, but we are unable to do that at the moment. I fail to understand why this is happening. Nonetheless, I still hope that we will soon discover the strength and the determination we need in order to cope with the harsh conditions which were,paradoxically, caused by us.
It is peculiar how we commence to do something because it is necessary and how that specific thing becomes a part of you. When I opened this blog, it was not so much for my pleasure, but for various reasons which do not need to be exposed here.
Regardless, I do not want to procrastinate, for I think that the best approach is definitely the one involving steadfastness. Therefore, since I do not want to wane your interest in my peroration, I will proceed to the main topic. However, this might be the hardest part, since I do not have the habit of planning what to write. Instead, I focus on being as natural as I can- indeed, it is said that almost every human creation which has a purpose starts with a plan, but I would not go as far as to pretend that my posts really have a meaning. They are rather figments of my imagination, combined with my deepest thoughts, which cannot be concealed anymore.
Had I not been aware that I would to that, I would have rebuked my subsequent procrastination. I should not try to make assertions which cannot be proved, I admit it. Unfortunately, this is a flaw which hardly can be corrected, no matter how much I try to enhance myself. No, I do not try to exonerate myself from the errors I had made formerly, neither do I try to look for excuses. It is just the lack of inspiration which affects my desire to write. In other words, I needed to write, but I did not know about what. Consequently, here they are…my desultory work, my meaningless phrases, my own lassitude, all encompassed in a post longer than it should have ever been.
Seldom have I been more aware of the inextricable link between nature and mankind. Let alone the concept of nature as a source of nourishment and shelter, as it had been for the thousands of years of human existence, and these two notions are deeply interwoven. How did I draw this conclusion? Albeit it may be an understatement, I did this by analyzing myself whilst witnessing vicariously the changes in the nature. This introspection might resemble a hackneyed process, but the truth is that sometimes the solution which seem simple are those auspicious. Nevertheless, I shall proceed to my previous idea. Since we need infallible proofs in order to believe something, I would like to summarize how I got to this conclusion. First of all, as mentioned beforehand, I witnessed how the weather changes, for instance, influenced me. Although I assumed that it was just a hackneyed phrase to say that we are affected by weather, I realized that this is true. I felt vicariously the very process of nature alteration, and undoubtedly it was so pleasant. Sadistic,isn’t it? Be it this way, what is important is that my theory was correct. Perhaps it is not as flawless as I would have hoped, but this does not matter. At least I demonstrated myself something, and for me this is significant. After all, we cannot satisfy everyone’s desires, we cannot meet everyone’s requirements. So why should not I be egotistical and treat only matters related directly to myself? Why should I let extrinsic matters affect my welfare? However, this cannot be applied to what I have mentioned beforehand, for my peroration had other intent. Nonetheless, I become more and more self-centered, and who knows whether it is propitious or not? What is unfortunate is that we can never now, for our freedom granted us nothing but mystery and anguish. Once again, where are you knowledge when I need you most?
Indeed, I realize that I turned down paragraphs, but how could they be relevant here? How could a plain structure help me express ? Perhaps I will restore my old way of writing, using paragraphs, but for the moment I do not feel that this is the appropriate means of expressing my thoughts.
I have commenced to read “Crime and punishment” once again, this time in English. Despite the fact that it is one of those books that I would read incessantly, with no regard to the external world, I appreciate it even more in English. Perhaps it is the style, which is sometimes abstruse and not easily comprehended, perhaps it is the fact that it is a masterpiece which is valuable no matter the language-but now I find it more appealing than ever. I won’t proceed to matters regarding the subject, due to the fact that it would be pointless right now. Maybe in the future, when I will recall this.
Nonetheless, I need to exhibit once again my egotistical demeanor, for I will sustain a short peroration related to my results at my subsequent exams : 1940 out of 2400 at the SATs ( 600 at the Math section, 680 at the Critical Reading section and 660 at the Writing section) and 110 out of 120 at the TOEFL exam. Now the real endeavour is due to come, for I have to prepare my application, including my personal statement.
We are overwhelmed by the myriad of decisions we have to make, with no possible way to know whether they are going to be propitious or not. Therefore, how could we not be subject to anguish? Undoubtedly, there is a topic of debate regarding this susceptibility to angst.
First of all, not all of us are willing to accept the fact that this anguish really exists. Sometimes it may be not only burdensome, but may also lead to exhaustion. What seems peculiar is that this exhaustion can be physical as well as psychical. Albeit no logical explanation can be put forth easily, this theory is reiterated by the fact that when we are extremely nervous, for instance, our body shivers and reflects the mental consequences of our restlessness.
Furthermore, people who are supercilious tend to repudiate such theories which are perilous to their self-esteem. I must confess that I have had a hard time hitherto acknowledging the fact that I am prone to anguish and its distinguishable effects. Why are those effects distinguishable? Because there is no other warrant for their occurrence, I dare to say. However, I have now learned that I have to live with my angst. It is an inexorable state once it has been reached and we must learn to live with it.
All in all, anguish is ubiquitous once it has been achieved and accepted. From time to time, you might have the feeling that it vanished, but its recurrence is ineluctable. In spite of the fact that under no circumstances could I be considered the epitome of a anguished man, I think that my acceptance of its existence has led to nothing nefarious. Instead, it made me more aware of my condition as a human being, as well as of my limits. Regardless, there are no limits, except those we impose on ourselves.