Funny how time slips away…

Where do I belong? Where will I find peace? Where can I be myself without feeling repentant for something that was never meant to afflict the others? I obliterated myself in order to repel others’ influence on my personality. I have done hitherto anything so I could be unique, unaffected by the hardships of this world. I wanted to be myself no matter what others thought, for I knew that this is the only way to achieve a now assessed utopian state of happiness. No sooner had I proceeded to these measures that I faced the harbingers of misfortune, for I woke up one day alone with no one able or at least willing to understand me, to comprehend my nefarious choices. For indeed these solutions that I hoped to be thriving had pernicious consequences. I failed to take into consideration certain aspects that would represent issues and thus I realized that I would have to struggle even more if I wanted to be successful. Seldom have I felt less adroit, nonetheless I do not renounce. I should have thought that failures were brewing, for only in the darkest night the light has the most wonderful and noticeable beauty. Sometimes I feel on the edge and I wonder whether it was right to treat the others condescendigly and dissuade them from approaching me. What are these thoughts appearing in my despair? Delirium, you should be deprived of things belonging to the realm of ordinary life! How could I return to the wonder of those nights when I felt that everything was due to bring me success? Indeed, those were nights which cannot be remembered clearly, but what importance can this have now? Only a glimpse of my former achievements would be enough! I am the only one who can help me, so why do I feel that I am devoid of powers? A plethora of misconceptions regarding my person definitely affected my perception of myself, this must be the reason why I feel so bad. I should be audacious, so why do I keep complaining about the cruelty of the unconceivable destiny? I shall stop writing for I lose my ability to utter words, meaningless words, detracted by external influences. How many times did I use the word “influence” ? For the moment it seems that it has been repeatedly used over this short complaint, be this an appropriate term for my delirious piece of writing. It’s been so long since i felt convivial… My former buoyant state cannot be achieved anymore. It’s funny how time slips away and we wake up realizing that we’ve lost everything due to preposterous ambitions. But why should I conceal the truth? My ambitions were indeed stupid, no prevarication is necessary in this matter…


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