It is indeed a strange world – everyone seems to covet for different things, but when they accomplish their ideals they are dissatisfied. I do not want to be misunderstood – progress is necessary, and it would be more peculiar and pernicious to settle for a small fulfillment. However, what is reprehensible is that people cannot enjoy the results of their endeavors. I know this well, because I have the same drawback, though I struggle to put an end to this weakness, for it is nothing else than a weakness. Had it not been for it, I would have appreciated more my accomplishments, without renouncing at the desire to achieve more. It is important to find an equilibrium between being satisfied with your results and trying to have better ones. Hoping that I will not be deemed supercilious, I have accomplished a lot of things until now – here i have to make a digression which will nonetheless reduce the aggression of my former assertion, consisting of mentioning that in my opinion, nothing notable has been achieved hitherto -, but I leave those things unheralded.
Here should be the demise of this post, for it has not been intended for nothing else but to make some sort of resolution – finding the equilibrium mentioned beforehand.


There are certain drawbacks in being an atheist. Despite the fact that you have to deal with people’s peculiar looks when they hear about this, your situation is encumbered by the fact that you find yourself alone in a world of christianity. I do not even try to refute the existence of God to most of the people, since they are too indoctrinated to believe me, regardless of my many arguments which would normally bolster my view. It is even funnier when people treat me like I am some sort of Satan lover or something like that. However, I cannot help but answer the inquiries relating to my state of spirit as an atheist ( as though i were some kind of freak, who cannot be happy as long as I do not believe in gods). Among the numerous questions is particularly one which takes me aback on a regular basis : “So, you do not believe in God? How can you not believe in anything?” Before I begin, I would like to procrastinate a little bit and put forth an example from my experience with the SATs. The Reading part had always been my favorite, since the extracts were most of the times interesting. When answering the questions, however, you had to be careful whether they refer to something which is stated or implied. What does this have to do with my subsequent topic, one may wonder. Well, I have already mentioned that I am befuddled ( subject to utter confusion!!!) whenever that specific question is addressed to me. This example will help me clarify why this happens – at no point do I ever claim that I do not believe in anything, nor can that be implied. I am only saying that I do not think that God, Buddha, Juppiter, Ahura Mazda, or any other god that had been imagined over the centuries by people, exists. Hardly could such a fallacy be inferred from my sayings. I do believe in a lot of things. I believe in myself, I believe in science, I believe that everything has a rational explanation, although we are not always aware of it, I believe in the tremendous capacities of the humanity, I believe that we are wasting our qualities, I believe in evolution, I believe in the existence of a Multiverse, I believe in a relative time, I believe in existentialism,, I am firmly convinced that most of the people are natural errors and should be eradicated, I believe in fascism, I believe in education, I believe that there are still precious people among the douche bags mentioned beforehand, i believe in my beloved. So why does everyone seem to think that atheists do not believe in anything? Denying the existence of an innappropriate all powerful being does not mean that we are nihilists.


I assume that you are familiar with that particular sensation when you feel extraordinarily tired and you want to sleep but , unfortunately, you are unable. Well, this could lead to heated debate, since a plethora of reasons might be behind this not very congenial situation. Regardless, I would futilely try to explain the main causes of this phenomenon, so I came to the conclusion that i should not proceed to generalize. But here I am, procrastinating again, eschewing continuing my initial trail of thoughts due to reasons which surely have no warrant.
I have not felt the need to write for a while, so why am I here, in the middle of the night, endeavoring to be concise but being deprived of the means to a less turgid style, to a more concrete idea, should something abstract be nonetheless concrete? Shame on me, I made such a long phrase but I lack the power to go back and replace it with something clearer?
So, here I am, listening to depressing music, lacking any coherence, desperately wanting to release myself from my thoughts. Over the years, I have constantly changed, I went from being an emotional recluse to finally opening myself. But I feel that there is something deep inside, something that I forgot about, struggling to come back and haunt me. It is an ineffable feeling, though it is pervasive. I feel it in every cell of my body, in every atom, in every quarc, in the soul that I most certainly not present, in my heart which ceased being cold long ago, in my head which is filled with pieces of information which most certainly will prove to be superfluous, in my recent dormancy, in my lassitude, in my thoughts, in my stream of consciousness, in every bit of myself. And the only thing I know is that I must not let that thing out.. It does not matter what it is, for I am certain that the term used beforehand, ineffable, applies completely. It is my most hidden devil, it is my anti matter, it is something which haunts me ceaselessly.
Oh, here I see the light again! Blessed be it, for the brighter the light is, the darker my soul is.