Light


I assume that you are familiar with that particular sensation when you feel extraordinarily tired and you want to sleep but , unfortunately, you are unable. Well, this could lead to heated debate, since a plethora of reasons might be behind this not very congenial situation. Regardless, I would futilely try to explain the main causes of this phenomenon, so I came to the conclusion that i should not proceed to generalize. But here I am, procrastinating again, eschewing continuing my initial trail of thoughts due to reasons which surely have no warrant.
I have not felt the need to write for a while, so why am I here, in the middle of the night, endeavoring to be concise but being deprived of the means to a less turgid style, to a more concrete idea, should something abstract be nonetheless concrete? Shame on me, I made such a long phrase but I lack the power to go back and replace it with something clearer?
So, here I am, listening to depressing music, lacking any coherence, desperately wanting to release myself from my thoughts. Over the years, I have constantly changed, I went from being an emotional recluse to finally opening myself. But I feel that there is something deep inside, something that I forgot about, struggling to come back and haunt me. It is an ineffable feeling, though it is pervasive. I feel it in every cell of my body, in every atom, in every quarc, in the soul that I most certainly not present, in my heart which ceased being cold long ago, in my head which is filled with pieces of information which most certainly will prove to be superfluous, in my recent dormancy, in my lassitude, in my thoughts, in my stream of consciousness, in every bit of myself. And the only thing I know is that I must not let that thing out.. It does not matter what it is, for I am certain that the term used beforehand, ineffable, applies completely. It is my most hidden devil, it is my anti matter, it is something which haunts me ceaselessly.
Oh, here I see the light again! Blessed be it, for the brighter the light is, the darker my soul is.

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